As for me it has been a sleepless night/day. It is a strange time. I really have done very little yet I am exhausted. I feel so helpless and useless for my Terry. As the sun comes up this morning she will be starting her 13th day in the hospital and yet really no answers. As I sit at home and wonder, worry and pray I feel that time is just passing by with nothing happening. I know that is Not true but yet it seems that way. I actually start this day with renewed hope that there is an end in sight with some answers. We should hear today if she tested negative or positive AND regardless I think they plan to do a lumbar test by tapping her spine and getting fluid out to see if they can solve the puzzle as to what she has. It seems that I am a nothing in this whole thing as I can not see her, can not see the Dr and that makes it so so difficult. Mind I am not feeling sorry for myself I just feel so for Terry as she is lying in bed with little strength but I believe and hope that God will prevail and she will be well soon. Yesterday the thought came to mind again about when we will head north. I felt like slapping my face and saying "Carmen what in the world are you thinking?" Of course going north is absolutely the least of our concerns at this point. I went to bed at 10:30 and thought I was good for the night but here I am with prayers on my lips and concerns in my mind.
I put the flowers on today as I thought they would be a cheerful reminder that Terry is going to be OK and there will be a sunrise at dawn!
Now maybe I can get some sleep and wake up to that FP coffee and then MAYBE we will find out what my Terry is so sick with.
Here I am back at the computer and the time is 7:45 AM. After a restless night it is time to be up and about.
I admit, this picture has the quality of well it kind of makes me think of my tennis game. NOT so good at times! This is our driveway in Devils Lake and it shows what I needed to get through in order to get to work sometimes. I mentioned one time that I put chains on the car and left them there for a month or so. This may have been that time. Once I opened up the driveway then I had this kind of snow for several hundred feet in the ally before I got to a plowed street. To the right the ally was only behind 2 houses until I got to the street BUT it was up hill enough so that often I would just sit and spin the rear tires so it was drive the long way most of the time.
Why in the world am I putting this picture out today? Well it could be to remind myself that at this time in my life, as I sit by the pool, I have it made! But that is not the reason. I put it out there because I have shoveled some to that point but I have a long way to go until I get to the end of the driveway. Well I feel that is where Terry and I are at with her health. Here we are starting day 13 but I fear there is a long road ahead. First the Dr. needs to get to the bottom of what is making her sick. Then they need to treat that. After that she needs to heal and get her strength back. Wait, we will take it one at a time so lets hope and pray that what the Dr. does today makes inroads towards solving Terry's health condition. When we get that then it is on to treating and healing. As I think of that I think of our St. Paul home with many steps down to the laundry and the 16 steps up to the second floor. People may think I just pulled the number 16 our of the rabbits hat BUT I promise there are that many steps because I put them all in new! Lord I pray that the Dr. will bring some clarity to Terry's health today. AND then we can go forward. Absolutely the BEST thing that could happen today is a negative test report and then a move to a different floor! Oh my that sounds great.
As for me I have very little to say or do. What can a person do when the dishes are done, the floors are clean, the messes are pickup up and and and. Well actually there are many things that could be done as I just have to tackle them with more energy than I have displayed over the last several days.
Oh, a bike ride sounds good this morning. Of course that is NOT on the list of usefull things that I could do but really it is a good idea.
Carmen, remember that Terry is the one who is sick and she is the one who needs much support and prayers. So pull up your boots by the straps and make life worthwhile today. After all the FP should have given you the needed boast!
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