Here I am

It is well past 10:00 PM and for sure well  past my bedtime but it has been a full++ day and I am not ready to settle down to a sleep.
So Terry and I are in for a special plane ride tomorrow.  It took about 3 hours and much $$ to set this in action but it is a good.  For Terry who has been in the hospital for 33 days and counting I am sure it will be a relief to feel that we are onto better things that may tell us what is happening.  For me I am hoping that for the first time in 33+ days I will be able to sit by Terry, hold her hand, kiss her and face to fact tell her how much I love her and how important she is in my life.  Even if it is on an airplane 34,000 feet above the earth it will be grand!
I have had many many thoughts over the last many days.  They have gone from frustration to elations to despair to great hopes and everywhere in-between.  A person puts their all into a relationship and into loving a person and then in a short time you see yourself helpless and totally unable to love and care for the person who is so important.  It is a feeling that is impossible to describe and impossible to embrace.  A feeling that one can only turn over to the Lord and say "what do you what me to do or say?'
So here I am wondering what the next day, next week and next month may bring.  It is a feeling of helplessness, yet a feeling of allowing God to be in charge and not me.  Well IF I was a better man I would feel that and know that from the get go.
So with a briefcase and suitcase packed I am ready for tomorrow whatever it brings.  Lord may you heal Terry and bring us together once more.