No reason for the picture other than to say this is a great day. How can one say other wise unless there is something in friends or family that is sad. But for me here I am. It is true that going and coming is restricted. It is true that they have shut off the ice/water machines at the tennis courts BUT one can bring their own. For sure there are many who are suffering from this darn virus but really in the long scheme of things most places are mild. I understand that for those who have it or for those who have lost loved ones it is a tragic time. AND I also understand that it could be me, Terry, a family member or anyone tomorrow but for today lets be happy! This is perhaps not a good thing to share but I will. My thoughts today drifted towards those moments in time that were so difficult/sad and I allowed my mind to go there because it actually helps me appreciate the good time in my life. BUT here are some of the darkest moments in my life and kind of in chronological order, I think.
- The event that most often comes to mind is the death of Robert Lee. The hunting accident that was so tragic and the effects it had on so many people. I still can visualize his body at home and I can feel the people milling about the house. There was much food on the dining room table but little was eaten. There were tears and some laughs but they were few. The effect it had on Dad was tremendous and lasted a long time.
- I remember Grandpa Sampson's death. I missed Grandpa and his tobacco offerings and it seemed kind of like a gruff loving voice but mostly I remember how sad Mom was. She so loved her dad and missed him.
- I remember some of the events when Grandpa Lee died. Mostly I remember how sad Dad was. I actually believe that in Dad's life Grandpa was almost the most important one. I say that looking at family and saying Dad looked at Grandpa in a way that he may have only looked at Ronald in the same way.
- Grandma Lee died in the summer of 1965. Mostly I remember visiting her in the Veblen hospital over the last month of her life. Of course the $20 she pressed into my hand as she lay in the hospital bed was a memory that lasted. If I had a count of all the nights I stayed at her house after a high school ball game it would be in the high double digits.
- Well one would say that ALL the sad events in my life revolved around death but that is not true. It may be true that MOST were around death but not all. Some sad moments centered around those darn girl friends in high school but I will not get into that!
- I remember the sad days when we were told that Wood Lake School would be closed and we would be riding the big yellow bus to Cayuga. It almost seemed that a big part of my childhood was gone. AND getting on the bus that first day of 4th grade was like getting into a hearse while you were living!
- I remember walking up the stairs of Bud's grocery store with Chuck, Walter and Jack to apologize to Mrs. Fox for putting ink in her purse AND I was not even involved. To this day that is one of the most dumb things and perhaps sad things I did!
- I can not even explain the empty bottomless feeling when Mom and Dad came home the Saturday morning of Ronald's death. It was perhaps kind of like the feeling I had when the farm burned and in the morning as I stared down into the charred ruins of the house and there in the dirt basement was Mom's beloved piano. As I sat down after Mom and Dad came home it felt like I was in this BIG hollow hole with no way out. The funeral possession from Kulm to Bergen cemetery was about the longest journey I ever had.
- The empty feeling when Janet died was no less. Even though Ronald was my hero in so many ways Janet was this loviing gentle women who seemed to be the perfect daughter, the perfect wife and sister as well. I still remember the blue sweater she knit for me.
- I could go on and on with this. Perhaps the most unusual feeling I ever had was when Dad died. Dad had been sick for a long time and so it was not unexpected BUT I did not anticipate the feeling of having no parents any more. It was an empty feeling that is not possible to describe.
- The death of Gail, I can not go there. To see death come slowly as limbs become cold and then to hear the last breathe of a loved one is something one can not forget. It kind of stays in the recesses of the mind and then pops up at odd times. Of course as time moves on it is less frequent but it really never goes away forever.
I maybe should end this by saying that sadness, death or unhappy events should not and does not in my life define who I was or who I am. In each life event there comes a time when one should and does put things in the memory bank and then one is ready to enjoy life once again. So here I am today. How can I be sad with my life. I have family, I have Terry and life is good in so many ways BUT I would be remiss if I said that sad events of life just go away. They do not. They simply have to be stored in a reservoir kind of place only to be touched when something triggers them and that happens less often as life goes on. So today I remember but I also rejoice in the life that God has blessed me with. I will put on tennis clothes and have fun this morning. Then I will come home and cool off in the pool and enjoy the day. The virus, the stock market, the kind of locked down life we have will not keep me from raising my arms like in the picture and saying, "Lord you are so good and I thank you for my life today!"
I had my FP, a bite for breakfast so I am good to go.
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