A moody day

I am in one of those moods today.  What about the past, what about the future and what about the present???
As I limp around the house I think about the past.  A time when I did not need to wear hearing aids, a time when I did not need those meds in the AM and PM, a time when the scale was better, a time when there was a spring in my step and not a limp, a time when there was concern about kids arriving home at night rather then getting up at night for a bathroom visit, a time when we got in the car to travel to a game rather than travel to the pharmacy or a time when 20 below meant a difficult delivery of papers while now a temp of 50 means tennis will be chilly!  Times change, family changes, friends change, circumstances change and pretty much we live in a world of change.
I have NO complains about my present life.  I am blessed beyond reason.  I have a great wife, wonderful kids, the means to live a good life and the list goes on and on.  But there is always an element of "what if?".
I found out yesterday that I have spondylolisthesis of L5-S1 in the lower back.  I felt that I could live with PT and excerise but after I played tennis for two days I have a low level of pain in my right leg that is pretty much 24/7 and it causes a big change in my life.  Sleep is elusive and activity is painful. I refuse to complain, I think, but thoughts race through my mind about "what if?"  What if I had not played tennis is the big one.  I have had so much enjoyment from tennis over the last many years I don't think I would trade it for anything BUT I hate pain.  Out of curiousity yesterday I googled surgery for the back and then viewed a You Tube of it.  I broke out in a cold sweat and could not watch all of it.  As they drew lines on the back and then cut, cut and cut some more through skin, fat and muscle I had to turn it off and lie down for a while to catch my breath.  So much for that!
Terry and I want to visit 4 more national parks but that darn back issue keeps coming up and I don't know what to do about it.  I almost tend to say old age is not good but then dying before old age is worse!  So I think I will go on for a while.
Perhaps I have said enough.  I need to get some IB for the leg and then take a rest, old guys have the right to do that I think.