I have been thinking much about the inner person lately. Mainly thinking about myself and how I perceive myself, how others may see me and then who or what is the real me. I have thought about how one gets married and works so hard at melding two into one, then when that marriage is ended how a person tries to be that one again. Now for me I have entered into another marriage and am trying to be that one again but wait things are different now. There actually is two different people trying to become a new "one" and how may that play out and what may that appear to be to other people. An example would be the fact that I am not deer hunting this weekend. I have hunted in the past and I have had such a great time with or without a deer. Well here I am going on bike rides, swimming, playing tennis and enjoying temperatures in the 80's. Have I changed, is there a new me, is it just a time in my life, does the new "one" that I am trying to become make it impossible to hunt deer, have I grown old and lazy. WOW I have found that these questions are good ones to ponder. I have also come to realize that a person really does not change their inner self at my age. I struggle each day to become a better person, to become a better friend, to become a better husband, to become a better dad, to become a better grandpa but the core, the inner self is the same as when I was little. One example is a book I am reading for a series of book forums Terry and I will take in. The book is not a bad book but the content is, well I will not mention the book here because, more on the raw side than any book I have read. I find myself really not liking the kind of content is often has. It may be a very well thought of book in literacy circles but for me I say it is not my kind. Why, I know it is my growing up. For the most part it goes back to the ideas and the morals my mom impressed to me. Now I want to say that much of what my mom believed was a bit on the edge because she had such a narrow life but for sure the morals and the beliefs she gave me have stayed with me and for that I am very very thankful.
I want to say that with Travis' birthday tomorrow I have been thinking about him a lot. Of course he has pretty much been on his own since he left for college and for sure I have no idea of many of the things he has done or things he has been part of but to me he is such a good person and I am so proud to say he is my son. I have come to know that it is not possible to know the "inner person" of someone (perhaps not even self) else but I believe that Travis has an inner person that comes only from God.
I have begun to keep track of things that tell me what are signs that I am maturing!!! Here are the ones I have come up with so far:
- When you go shopping at the mall you make sure you park so you can enter through the door closest to the restrooms.
- Each day you eagerly flip through the mail to see if your medicare card came.
- One of the first things you do in the morning is go to your phone or your calendar to see if today is the day you have that weekly meeting.
- When the paper comes you scan the headlines and then search for the obits.
- When you get a new phone you ask your kids or your grand kids to show you how to use it.
- When you walk on the beach on a hot sunny day you roll up the sleeves of your T shirt but leave the shirt on.
- You make reservations at the restaurant based on the menu for early bird specials.
- You decide to forgo Christmas presents and give money instead because it is too hard to keep up with what grand kids want these days.
- You and your wife can sit at home and enjoy each other without saying a word.
- When it is easier to read the news in the paper the next day than stay up through the 10 o'clock news.
- When a walk to the corner store becomes a joy ride.
- When you sit on the front steps hoping someone will come by to talk to you.
- You decide to drive 5 more miles to the other gas station because you are sure you can save a penny a gallon.
- The freeways now seem to you like you would have imagined the autobahn(sp?) in Germany.
- When you get a coupon in an e-mail for "buy one get one free" and you print out half a dozen.
I will end today by saying that I am very thankful for my life today. There have been many detours in my life over the last 8 years. For sure there have been many happy times and many difficult times too. Today, 11-13-2012 I am happy and thankful for my life and for what God has allowed me to enjoy at this time. Is it totally full--no. There are things I desire, things I miss, things I wish I could change but life is good. Terry is such a wonderful person, I am perhaps healthier than I have been for a long time (my BP at the store this past week was 127/79 and my weight has stayed down a bit :):) and I am able to enjoy things I have never done in the past. My life has gone in directions and ways I never imagined but it is good, it is exciting and I am so thankful. Over the last two weeks in Naples the tennis, the bike rides, the walks and much more have been soothing, restful and wonderful.
Thank you Lord.
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